1. |
A Reason
02:17
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Well I don't have a reason
for why I keep staring
so wistfully out on the road
and of course I don't say it
don't need you afraid
I'd leave you and the baby alone
but there's something that's stupid
and selfish within me
that wishes I'd gone off from home
and saw this damn country
all filthy and winding
and stuck out for somewhere unknown
my father lived only
to fifty and five and he died
somewhere right up the road
he'd bitch and he'd moan
about his sacrificing
and all that he thought he was owed
and if I were to die here
I'd end up beside him
and that's just the way that things go
but I hope that at least
I might suss out some peace
and my problems stay only my own
how pretty
the same old sun is
when shining down the same old sky
how far would I have to go
to find someplace out there that's better
I can't say I know, and I don't plan to try
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2. |
Justify Thinking When
03:08
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(verse 1)
Hold out your fingers
and count down the answers
that you have received
from innumerable hours of thought
and then
tell me how you can justify thinking when
there's none
(verse 2)
best do your thinking
like foliage, drinking
up every sensation
and pull innovation from pain
and grow up
ever seeking the light of the drifting sun
and be changed
(chorus)
you're not the voice
that's always talking to you
from inside your head
because if you were
you could make it stop
or choose the things it said
no you're the dull
and constant humming
that sits underneath it all
that's shared by everything
that ever breathed
that rooted, walked, or crawled
(verse 1)
(chorus)
so you exist outside what can be said
with useless little words
since finite language crashes useless
against logarithmic curves
and it would better serve
to let the earth
be swallowed by a star
and let the dance of ash gesticulate
at vaguely what you are
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3. |
Tame
02:27
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Sometimes you keep right on loving
and they keep right on moving on
and even though they owe you nothing
still feels like they've done you wrong
you can build a life without them
you can wait away the pain
but that don't mean that you'll forget them
or that you'll ever love the same
(chorus)
oh there's some losses that will change you
in ways that no one else can see
don't leave you anything but older
than you had ever
thought you would ever live to be
and sometimes you find something different
that ends up ending just the same
but feels flatter than the last time
that feels toothless, feels tame
(chorus)
on there's some losses that will change you
in ways that everyone can see
don't leave you anything but older
than you had ever
thought you would ever live to be
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4. |
Two Lives
02:32
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I was busy sitting in the same damn place
wondering if I'm ever gonna leave some day
if there's a way something always gonna keep you chained
even love can be a kind of weight
fantasies of death can come in different shapes
a desert, or a farm house, or an oceanscape
where you can fade and forget about the life you've made
even love can be a resting place
(chorus)
I only need two lives
one to burn by the road side
one to play my cards just right
and give the pot away
and if I only live two times
oh one I swear would be so kind
that it would make up for the last time
yeah it would wipe the slate
if a body never washes up to shore
how can you be certain that it's not still warm
or changed its form and wandered out under a different name
living somewhere with a stranger's face
(chorus)
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5. |
Paranoia
03:51
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my paranoia's done more damage
than it ever could have hoped to have avoided
and my anxious nerves have burned more bridges
than they ever could have hoped to keep undamaged
(bridge)
the way a bird rejects its offspring
or how a bee dies by its own sting
our instincts sometimes serve for nothing
(chorus)
oh I'm scared of meditation
that can't be healthy
that must mean something
never quite can shake the feeling
that something awful's about to happen
waking terrified and sweating
without remembering what I was dreaming
just remembering the feeling
my fear of offending has hurt more feelings
than they ever could've hoped of keeping salvaged
(bridge)
the way a straight line trances chickens
there's fatal flaws within our own self-defense mechanisms
like an autoimmune disease of our perceived existence
(chorus)
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6. |
Golden Calf
02:39
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You always asked if I would stay near
if you could count on me to be there
well I won't
I think you know
and that's the only reason that you bothered asking
before you I would worship idols
incapable of loving mortals
and I was blood
and they knew just
the way to keep me bent and kneeling at their alter
(chorus)
you loved me too well to ever keep me around
you loved me too well to ever keep me around
and there are golden calves on Sinai
that gleam so prettily to my eye
that mere stone
would sit alone
and go ignored and unread as I bowed down low
(chorus)
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7. |
Helicon
03:07
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Well I'd planned to do the old thing
where I act like I'm surprised that you are leaving
and to play things up for pity
and to ask you what would ever be the reason
but lets do away with all of the pretending
and the acting like I should've been expecting
for you to really stay
yeah let's drop the act and go our separate ways
Oh I wondered through the darkness
and I couldn't hear your footsteps there beside me
and I wondered if the devil
had been lying when he said that you would find me
so the moment that I stepped into the light
I turned around to see if he'd be right
that damned eagerness of mine
and I watched you leave me for a second time
(bridge)
there was a wedding
the bride shone just as bright as the sun
and I kept on drinking
and I wondered why I thought that I should come
and I made a martyr of myself
and cowered under what I'd done
there's some mistakes where once you've made them
there's not anywhere to run
well I stepped into the dawn and then I praised the only father I could trust
and I turned on all the others, sitting in their lofty towers made of dust
then the beauties came out drunken from the woods
and they turned me too to dust the best they could
and the river Helicon turned into mud as they washed away the blood
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8. |
Travel
01:34
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I hope I don't already have dementia
though that certainly would answer quite a few
questions I'm afraid of asking
or looking into
how life is usually just something that I'm looking through
to watch a person I don't really like
do things I wish he wouldn't do
and endlessly explaining that I'm of today
I'm never quite myself
at least not all the way
I think that must be what I fetishize in travel
and why I fantasize of working with my hands
to feel like I'm making choices
not just following along
with someone else
or something else's plans
if I were floating through the memories of my life
would I still have anxiety and fear
obsessing over where I'm gonna go from here
spend a life like that
just to reach the end
and still look back
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9. |
Madly
05:10
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(verse)
falling so madly
utterly left at your mercy
swallowed up by it completely
plainly, deeply
(bridge)
down in my sick stomach I knew
when I first laid my eyes onto you
like the ocean defines what the shoreline must do
I'd be made new, reshaped by you
(chorus)
just please
lay by me
and breathe
beside me
(verse)
falling so deeply
utterly left at your mercy
swallowed up by it completely
plainly, madly
(bridge)
down in my knees buckling I knew
when I couldn't tear my eyes from you
like the shoreline defines what the ocean must do
being moved to curve along you
(chorus)
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10. |
Mercy
03:28
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god have mercy
on a sinner such as me
and claim me early
before I ruin all I see
chain me up out
on the front lawn
where the golden gates
can shine their light on
oh that's enough for me
oh lord, that would be a mercy
god have patience
with a low down dog like me
it makes me anxious
wondering what your plans might be
I doubt you'll call me
up to your office
to say that I'll be better lord
or make me primise
no there's something worse for me
and I'll be waiting patiently
god have mercy
on a sinner such as me
and don't you worry
I've been suffering privately
there's no need for pits of fire
not when I'm always making my own hell of my desire
there's no better place to be
for a sinner such as me
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11. |
Helping
02:20
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tightness of breath
you're gonna worry yourself right to death
don't know how you're gonna get yourself back into health
I've been watching you chew on yourself
and there isn't much left
(bridge)
you oughta let some light in
come out of there, honey
now what are you hiding
did you hear a whisper in your ear
tell me everything you start to hear in your own voice
Jesus, all night you've been making such terrible noises
(chorus)
I don't know how you
can even bare to live the way you do
Would rather kill myself to tell the truth
bad luck at best
winning of losing you end up with less
don't know how you're gonna pull yourself outta that hole
focus on the things you can control
and move on I guess
(bridge)
you oughta get some fresh air
you should just walk until you end up somewhere
can't talk yourself out of your won head
always end up right back where you lead yourself out from
walking in circles and never quite changing the outcome
(chorus)
it all comes down to
what you are actually willing to do
since no one else can fix it all for you
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12. |
In Kind
01:35
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If we ever raise our heads
from wallowing in dirt
stare directly at the sun
'till it beings to hurt
oh it would turn a softer yellow
and would stare at us in kind
and when we turn, its burned in negative
would hang where we are blind
and then the days would look the darker
but the night would look the same
evil tends to follow
when you say the devil's name
oh hold our breath and count our fingers
while the tunnel eats us whole
try to practice the impossible
to sharpen self-control
and once we're perfect we can go back
to the mud where we once laid
plant ourselves into the grass
be swallowed by the glade
where we can put the words together
how they should be prayed
try to be remembered
even once we've been unmade
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13. |
Again Again Again
01:56
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Again, again, again
you've ended right back in the same place
you always had been
oh you finally build something worth keeping and then
threw it all away again
and you knew, you knew you would
it gnawed at you most when it all went as well as it could
that you'd wake up one morning and lose it for good
and you knew, you knew you would
and you tried, you tried, you tried
to take all those old ways and finally set them aisde
but there's something too wicked to keep it inside
it don't care you tried, you tried
so again, again, again
you ended right back in the same place you always had been
you knew well as the devil that hell is within
and you're there again, again
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14. |
||||
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Men don't love women
no men only love their pride
and women don't love children,
hey love living through their eyes
and children don't love anything but leaving their home towns
(chorus)
oh and people don't love people
no people don't love people
people don't love
no they only love themselves
Some love their country
some love their god
some love humanity
though just as abstract thought
but if you drag those lofty concepts to the ground
(chorus)
oh and people don't love people
no people don't love people
people don't love
they just like the way it sounds
Some want your beauty
some want your mind
some see a spark in you
that's harder to define
they'll make you promises and swallow you up whole
(chorus)
oh but people don't love people
no people don't love people
people don't love
no they love nothing at all
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15. |
Cards
03:22
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Oh everything is chemical
was triggered at its birth
by a bang which dragged us all
into this endless universe
and our fates were all decided
when the stars began to burn
the cards were stacked against us
as soon as the earth began to turn
for love and death and tragedy
the proof of our humanity
is virtually identical
to swirling, mixing chemicals
to elements and particles
irrationals and radicals
and its harder still to contemplate
if we have choice or we have fate
and if choice even means we have a soul
are we just animals with simple tricks
know right from wrong and pick-up-sticks
know how to love and act so in control
oh an artery will always say it chooses when to break
and a cancer cell will swear it couldn't hurt to replicate
and the sun will say to burn until you're gone is the only way
oh and galaxies
they all believe
they're suffering from anxiety
and the only cure's for them to separate
oh and people will tell you
that time heals wounds
find your place in this world
it'll be over soon
you do too much complaining
some are worse off than you
well that's certainly true
and I doubt that when I die
I'll reach some castle in the sky
and meet the man whose passing out gold stars
for living a good life
but if I did I think that he might offer this reply and say
the world is as its meant to be
the universe is functioning
and everything is perfectly aligned
so shut up, don't think so much, you're gonna be fine
so shup up and drink your beer, you're gonna be fine
so shut up, don't think so much, you're gonna be fine
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